they sing, raindrops falling on my head

i am so freaking pissed D:
woah, im not posting in caps,
yeah i know, i decided it was rather retarded to be typing everything in caps, its time for a change(:
this whole weekend, ive been so pissed at a certain person, the person whom i have been living with for almost 2 yrs, then moved out.
and she's partly the reson why i moved out.
she has always made fitting into the family so hard, even though it wasnt my family. it was sorta my foster family for those 2 yrs. i wanted a feeling of belonging somewhere. coz like, ive been moving arnd so much. i finally settled down somewhere and she spoiled it. tore it into a million pieces. i have completely no rights to say this but, i think everything would be so much better if you didnt exist. i hate myself for thinking that way, but i know its true. you say im stupid, what abt you? im not bragging but, at least when i had my PSLE, it was a sure pass. but for you, your parents are so worried for you to pass, they'll reward you with such an expensive gift, just for you to pass. sure i'm blur, bu at least i dont coz my parents to worry so much. do you have any idea how hard they are trying to make you just care. but YOU, you cant even appreciate it. your mom is willing to take out so much time out, to go through everything with you, every last word in your text books. but you dont even care, your mother even has to beg for you to go thru it with her. you keep thinking the world revolves around you. you give me that kind of treatment when i dont give in to you, you would purposely treat everyone else around you so nicely, and you woould purposely leave me out, just because i dont play basketball with you. and you make such a big deal out of that matter. did you know that youre the most unreasonable person alive? no wonder there are those spammers in your blog. and you are so un-understanding. when i first moved in, you made life so tough for me. and i was still recuperatting frm all the trauma from all the things that were going on. and i was only ten years old at that time. you are the reason why i was crying under the blanket for the first 2 months sice moving in. you are partly the reason why my childhood is so crappy. and i dont think it'll be so easy to forgive you for that.at that time, you thought i was stealing your parents away frm you, and you hated me for that. how unreasonable can you get? you always made me feel bad, just to get attetion, or feel good. i'm so sorry that i have no guts to say this in your face: you suck.
im being really mean right now, saying all this abt you, but i really need to let off my steam, i'll delete this as soon as ive cooled down.
you have no idea how bad you used to make me, until i hated you that much. everytime i saw you, i felt like slapping you, and kicking you. imagining you slowly die a bloody death always put up a smile on my face. i feel guilty for that now, but it shows just how much anger you've caused me. alot of fights stirred up between the both of us, and you thought you were the pitiful one. i had to put up so much: settling down in a new home, enduring everything you were doing to me, recovering frm all that family problems. and you just had to make life so difficult. soon i moved out, partly because of you, and forgot abt all the hate i once held against you. and soon, i didnt hate you at all. on my birthday card from you, you mentioned: sorry for being so annoying in the past.
then, i felt so bad for hating you so much.
but its only now that i realise why i hated you then. you totally destroyed my childhood, which was supposedly "a man's golden years". but now, everytime i look back, i seem to shiver. and it's your fault.nothing you do will ever pay for what youve done. u instilled so much hate into my childhood, no child should ever hate that much. i hate you. you make others feel bad, like how you are always demoralising your sister, i understand that its all just a joke but i can see that your sister is really hurt. you've looked me in the eyes and lied without even blinking countless times. i notice things, you know. im not as stupid as you. you have no idea how blessed you are, and how much you dont deserve it. you deserve to be starving in africa. i hate you to the core. i wish you could just drop dead, and this time i really mean it. that day i shouted at you, screamed at you. i meant every single word i said. you really need to be taught a lesson. people like you, one day, i am soso sure, that somethings really really bad will happen to you, and you would so deserve it.
gosh, this hate is eating me alive. i cant help it. but you forced me.